Unexpected Things That Happen When You Run Your First Half Marathon

half-marathon

The starting line is incredibly anticlimactic.

There are a lot more psychopaths who want to run 13.1 miles than you’d think

half-marathon

Wow, where have you guys been all my life? Want to eat 13.1 pizzas at my place after this?

Every sign makes you laugh or cry.

half-marathon

I think the pounding of my feet on the pavement has unhinged my brain.

But there are some signs that make you irrationally angry.

half-marathon

I appreciate the support but why would you remind me of my mortality at a time like this? Or—even worse—that I’m only at mile 7???

Drinking from a cup while running is waaay harder than it looks.

half-marathon

This is not sweat on my face, it’s Gatorade.

But crushing an empty cup in your fist and tossing it on the ground makes you feel like a BOSS.

half-marathon

WHY IS IT SO FUN TO LITTER?

People three times your age keeps you psyched.

half-marathon

Ok, I’m not weighed down by 60 years of regret and bad knee cartilage, I can do this.

Running down a closed-down is road surprisingly good motivation.

half-marathon

Where are all the cars? Probably eaten by apocalyptic zombies or something. Better keep running!

Seeing how many non-runners come out to watch the race humbles the heck out of you.

half-marathon

Even if they’re only technically there to see their friend/family member/significant other run past them for eleven seconds, it feels like they’re there for you.

The “runner’s high” is a completely real thing!

half-marathon

You at mile 6: “HAHAHAHA I LOVE RUNNING HAHAHAHA!!!!!”

But unfortunately, so is “hitting the wall.”

half-marathon

You at mile 12: “It’s been mile 12 for the past 34 years. I can’t remember what my family looks like. I think I had a name once.”

You want to marry every race volunteer.

half-marathon

Especially the ones that can keep a smile on their face even after sweaty, tired runners spill full cups of Gatorade on them for three hours.

Porta potties seem like five-star accommodations.

half-marathon

I’ve never been so happy to see one of these guys in my entire life.

You get blisters the size of quarters.

half-marathon

“Yeah, I’m not really feeling this whole running thing. I’ll catch up with you later or something.” — the soles of your feet.

Your thighs chafe raw.

half-marathon

Who designed the human body? Seriously, who?

As tired as you feel after 13.09 miles, that last .01 mile will give you new life.

half-marathon

Even if you collapse into a cramp-filled knot directly after.

Wearing a medal sounds cheesy, but it’s actually the coolest feeling in the world.

half-marathon

I literally slept with mine on, which I don’t recommend because it sure does choke the winning spirit right out of you.

The shiny silver space blankets work really well to stop runners from shivering in their damp, sweat-soaked clothes.

half-marathon

They’re not super hero capes, as you (I) may have thought.

Unexpected foods, like hot dogs, are terrific pick-me-ups after the race.

half-marathon

Come to me, you little salty meat stick from heaven.

You’ll never drink a better-tasting beer than the one you have after the race.

half-marathon

Something tells me I should be hydrating but I’m too busy having a love affair with this beer.

You immediately want to sign up for the full.

half-marathon

You mean I get to run 13.1 miles TWICE? SIGN ME UP!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *