Stages Of Not Eating Carbs

The bread is the life 🙁

You become intimidated by the fact that you’re basically cutting out an entire food group.

You panic when you realise how many foods have carbs in them.

AND DRINKS 🙁

But you are mildly scandalised by the concept of being allowed to eat peanut butter and bacon.

You wonder what you’re going to have for breakfast if you can’t have toast or cereal.

You figure pretty much peanut-butter-on-bacon.

Despite this amazing breakfast, for a while you cannot believe how much you miss carbohydrates.

 Everyone around you seems to be eating a croissant wrapped in a pie folded into a GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH.

Dinners out take forever because of your complicated instructions for the waiter (“Burger, no bun, please”).

People at work think you’re weird when you take to carrying nuts and vegetables about your person, much like a squirrel.

After some time, as impossible as it sounds, you even grow tired of peanut butter and bacon (and meat and cheese and eggs).

Briefly you fall into the trap of buying low-carb products in bulk, despite their exorbitant price and the fact that they smell of cat pee.

Then you come to your senses and go online to search for healthy low-carb recipes that actually taste good (and don’t smell like cat pee).

The humble cauliflower starts to blow your mind.

You learn to make egg-fried cauliflower ‘rice’, buttery garlic cauliflower mash, and even cauliflower ‘cous cous’.

And if the pizza aficionados in your life claim that it’s “better than Domino’s” you MAY shed a tear of pride.

Well done, you! You have mastered the dark arts of low-carb!

You’re still kind of annoying in restaurants, though.

And, when you go back to carbs, everyone had better give you a moment alone with your first plate of chips.