Reasons Why Grinding Is The Worst Thing To Ever Happen To Humanity

Today’s clubbing protocol: If you can’t dance, dry hump.

Grinding is a popular dance move in which two people shake their hips very close to each other while facing the same direction.

If done properly, it should look something like this (I think):

But it is, without a doubt, the most uncomfortable and awkward dance move EVER.

Here’s why:

This generation’s lack of dance skills have prompted men all over to resort to dry humping as a substitute for dancing.

The future of dance looks dark and pitiful.

Where are you supposed to place your hands? Her ribs? Her back? Her hips? Are you supposed to just hold them behind your back?

You cannot dance to your partner’s “twerking.” You just can’t. All you can do is stand there and watch.

Props to this guy for at least trying to do something with his hands.

Also, there is absolutely NO EYE CONTACT. None. Who knows what your dance partner could be doing?

An uninvited third person is BOUND to get in between you and your dance partner.

FYI, that third person is a boner.

What if there is a significant size difference between you and your partner?

Grinding faster doesn’t make it less awkward. It actually accentuates just how ridiculous this dance move really is.

Let’s accept the fact that no one looks good grinding.

No one.

Not even Hillary.

And no, grinding with a ghost doesn’t make it any better.

Sorry, Tyga

NO! NOT THE FLOOR! STOP!!!

The sad thing is, people think grinding is a legit form of dance.

And they’re passing it down to future generations.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

In conclusion, grinding totally sucks. It’s also…

AWKWARD…

AS…

FUCK.