Barnorama All Fun In The Barn
“A long phone charging cable. I’m talking like 6 feet or longer.”
“A sponge on a stick. Can probably get 2 or 3 for under $10. No more squishing your hands into deep cups, thermoses, vases, mason jars, etc.”
“A plunger: when you need one you need it right that very second.”
“My guy, let me tell you about my motherf@#king planner. That’s right son, it’s a calendar with space for notes. It’s not a real daytimer, this is some s@#t I bought at the dollar store. The cover looks like fake leather. It has the days written down in it, one for each f@#king page son. I carry it with me where ever I go, and I write s@#t in it. Nobody cares what you write, it’s a planner not f@#king Tolstoy. But when everyone else is pulling out their phones to take notes and check their calendars, I pull out my cheap s@#t planner from the dollar store. Motherf@#kers are like, this is a choice individual. Our upcoming appointment was just written the f@#k down on paper. This guy cares about me and what we are doing in the future. I feel cared for. Then I show up to the meeting, and right next to that appointment, I take more notes. Then if I want to see what I did the last time we had a meeting, it’s all f@#king there s@#thead.”
“My sewing kit sat dormant for years but finally, about half a decade ago, a button popped off a suit and I was like, I’ve been waiting for this.”
“Barkeeper’s Friend. If you at all have any stainless steel (specifically pots and pans), this stuff will restore it to brand new.”
“Garlic and a small bottle of olive oil can liven up pretty much any dish. Mince the garlic, or mash it with a pinch of salt on a cutting board using the back of a fork. Toast that b@#ch up in a tiny bit of regular canola or rice bran oil (be careful not to burn it), and finish the dish with a drizzle of olive oil.”
“Meat thermometer. Really ups your cooking/grilling and definitely worth the investment for a good at-home steak.”
“If you live in a city: earbuds to sleep. I came from a small town and the only noise were cows or church bells. When I moved to the city I now live in my sleep would constantly get interrupted and my sleeping pattern got f@#ked up. Now with the noise gone I sleep far better.”
“Parchment paper. It’s like $5 for a huge roll. I promise you, your cookies will come out perfect each time you use it. Also good if you’re making multiple things in the oven. Just switch out the paper between items instead of dirtying two pans.”
“The little straps/clips to keep your fitted* sheet on your mattress. Set of 4 for around $5 at Walmart.”
“Quality soaps/shampoo. I consistently get compliments on how good I smell, and I never use cologne.”
“Knife sharpener. For expensive knives or family heirlooms you want to use a whetstone to minimize material loss, but for regular ol box store kitchen knives just a cheap 2-step pull-through sharpener is a life-changing event.”
“A pocket knife. Picked one up for $5 and had no idea how frequently I’d use it until I actually had one.”
“A library card. It’s great.”
“Tongue scraper. Even if you brush your tongue well and think it’s clean you’ll be surprised by how much cleaner it looks after one use.”
“High-quality pens, they just glide across the page and I could never go back to buying cheap ones now.”
“An oven thermometer. I have a friend who fancies herself a baker and spends $$ on fancy ingredients and s@#tloads of time in the kitchen and then wonders why her stuff always turns out dry and over baked.”
“A motion sensor light bulb. Got one from Amazon for the basement a few months ago for outside of the pantry. It turns off automatically after 30 seconds so you don’t have to constantly pull the chain to turn it on/off.”
“A condom.”
