Cold-Hearted Revenge Stories

This story involves a polite Canadian, an aggressive van with driver, and a frozen garbage can. Let’s begin.

Our polite revenger writes:

We don’t own a car and live at the end of a cul-de-sac (a street with no exit). I have people use my driveway all the time to turn around. It’s not a huge deal to me, a little annoying when they compact the snow and it’s harder to shovel but whatever. One of my neighbours had a ride service come pick up their child every day. The van would park in my spot and begin honking at like 8am (I worked nights at the time). half the time he’d be half parked on my grass.

I told my neighbour that i don’t overly mind my spot being used but not if he’s going to honk like that every morning and especially not if he’s going to drive over what little lawn i have every time.

She spoke with him, he ignored it. I spoke with him and got “what’s your problem man, it’s not like you’re using it.” to which i repeated that i don’t mind him using it if he stays off my grass and doesn’t honk every morning.”

“Apparently suggesting he wait till the kid notices he’s there or, god forbid, he have to drag his a$$ out of the car to knock on a door was just ridiculous and inhumane of me. So i left a recycle bin at the foot of my driveway. He just ran over it. I called the dispatch for the ride service and was told they are sub contractors and technically self employed but they will pass along the message.

I wake up the next day to pounding on my door. Dude is pissed!

him – “How dare you call my boss you stupid piece of s@#t! what the f@#k is wrong with you?

me – “Well it’s quite simple, you were told not to use my driveway if you were going drive on my lawn and wake me up every morning. Now get off my doorstep”

Him – “I’ll sue you if i lose my job because of you”

me – “You’ve been warned. Don’t trespass on my driveway or property again! “

Dude storms off in a huff spouting obscenities etc. So this happened on a Thursday, the kids have a PD day the next day and it’s supposed to be one of those delightful Canadian weekends where it drops to like -40 Celsius. For my American friends, -40 is where Celsius and Fahrenheit meet up so it’s freaking cold lol. So that night, i grabbed one of my more beat up plastic garbage bins, made sure to plug all the holes with a generous amount of duct tape, stuck a sign on it that read “private property, driveway not for public use” and proceeded to fill it to the brim with water.

Now, before anyone thinks i’m a j@#k willing to potentially endanger the other kids in the car, i’d like to point out that my neighbour’s kid is the first to be picked up so it’s just him in the car.”

“Queue Monday morning. He sees the garbage can, backs up a bit more and defiantly charges the garbage can as if to teach me a lesson and proceeds to cause some pretty serious damage to the front end of his car. Dude gets out fuming, calls the cops and comes pounding on my door screaming about how i’m going to buy him a new car and that i’m about to be arrested.

Cop – “so let me make sure i understand this situation. He asked you not to park here if you couldn’t refrain from honking, then warned you not to park here and put up a barrier. Now you expect him to be charged and pay for damages you caused yourself to your vehicle in an attempt to destroy his own personal property?”

“I will never forget the look on his face when The officer said “yeah that’s not how this works” and turned to me and asking if i wanted to pursue charges for him damaging my personal property. I just gave him the most s@#t eating grin i could muster and said “nah i think we’re good”.

I then went back inside to enjoy a morning coffee while watching him from my kitchen window as he paced back and forth in the cold waiting for a tow truck and having to call the company he worked for to explain why they needed to send out another driver to complete his route.

I never saw him again.”