Life

“It took me a year to save some money and quit my job. Now I’m an artist and it somehow worked.”

“Cracking up at the hilarious difference in my undies from the beginning of pregnancy vs today at 37 weeks!”

“My grandparents have almost made it to 79 years of marriage.”

Can you start today? This is also a tricky question. Usually, an interviewer asks this to employed job seekers. Depending on your answer, they will understand how responsible you are at your job, and how loyal you are to your current company and your team.

“If you weren’t related to your relatives, would you be friends with them?….if no, then why does it matter so much to you what they think?”

"From So Focused And Organized And Together To Googling “What Day Is It?” And “Can Parenthood Kill You?”"

"Putting my clothes in my closet with the hangers reversed once a year. As I pull clothes out, I reverse the hanger. Every year I give away any clothes that I never took out."

“Seeing how they speak to other people, especially when they aren’t around, if they s@#t talk their friends when they aren’t around why would you think they wouldn’t do that to you as well.”

"My Grandma has played Wii Fit everyday for over 10 years!"

“20 years on. Family is everything. Merry Christmas everyone.”

"This poor chicken got a “get well soon” card."

"The top part of the body comes off. Whoever designed this packaging deserves all of the money."

On hot days, it’s better to not use devices: they heat the air, which is already hot enough. Instead of watching TV at home, go to the movies where there are air conditioners.

“I use an apple corer to prep my roast potatoes.”

“My student’s teeny tiny pencil.”

When they act like everybody has the same 24 hours in a day. Like, oh OK, how many hours did you spend at the laundromat last week? Or how many hours did you spend on the bus?

This trick can save your life. Build your own floating device using your pants. Once you get your pants off, you're gonna tie the two ends of your pants together like this, zip up or button up your pants...

It’s easy to peel baby carrots by rolling a regular sheet of foil into a ball and rubbing the vegetable with it.

"Today my wife is officially under 200 lbs and I was finally able to do a chin-up for the first time in my life."

This teacher wore anatomy bodysuit to teach science class...

"If someone is wearing headphones and is clearly keeping to themselves, leave them the f@#k alone!"

“I turned 40 today. My wife surprised me with one of those online balloon delivery services. I asked her why there were 2 question marks next to ’I love you’ on the card. She replied, ’It was supposed to be hearts.’”