Bullsh*t “facts” we were taught as kids

Myth: Christopher Columbus discovered America

Truth: Columbus never made it norther of Central America. There are two “truths” to this though. One, no one discovered it damnit, people were already living here. The other is it was actually a Viking bad ass name Leif Erikson who discovered America 500 years before Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

Myth: There are 9 planets in our solar system.

Truth: Pluto’s scrawny ass was disavowed as a planet in 2006.

Myth: Van Gogh cut off his ear after a fight with Paul Gauguin and gave it to a prostitute.

Truth: The most recent, and widely accepted theory is that Van Gogh cut off his ear after finding out his brother, whom he depended on financially, got engaged. This triggered the breakdown that led to him removing the ear.

Then there is that whole syphilis rumor…

Myth: The Great Wall of China is the only manmade structure visible from space.

Truth: First, there are numerous man-made structures visible from space. Second of all, if the Great Wall is visible, then so too are most highway and overpasses with very similar dimensions.

Myth: George Washington chopped down a tree when he was a kid. When his father asked, he replied, “I cannot tell a lie. I chopped down the cherry tree.”

Truth: There is literally no evidence of this ever happening. Supposedly the story came from Washington’s unnamed “neighbor,” but most historians call bullshit on that.

Myth: Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis

Truth: Cracking your knuckles actually indicates healthy, lubricated joints and has never been successfully tied to arthritis. Crack away, tough guy!

Myth: Follow the food pyramid for a healthy diet (grains, followed by fruits, veggies, dairy, then meats and fats).

Truth: This may just be more outdated, than outright bullshit. Most notabely, it was once believed that grains were the most important part of a diet and should therefore be the most consumed. However, science has turned that on its head. It is now believed that fruits and veggies are the most important food group.

To Be Continued…

Myth: Different “zones” on your tongue taste different flavors (sweet, sour, salty, bitter).

Truth: First, there are more than four flavors, umami is also a flavor. Some scientists even believe that there is a fat flavor. Second, your tongue can taste all flavors across the entire surface.

Myth: The internet is completely unreliable source of information

Truth: Again, this is simply outdated, but here you are getting 100% reliable news from a certified internet facts scientist.

Myth: Diamonds are made from coal.

Truth: Despite what you may have been told, or seen on an episode of Duck Tales, this is incorrect. Nearly all diamonds recovered are dated between 4,600 M – 542 M years ago. Coal didn’t even appear on earth until around 100 M years ago.

Myth: When you were a kid, you were told everyone will be writing in cursive when you’re an adult.

Truth: Absolute horse piss. In fact, most people do next to no writing at all.

Myth: Women can’t be color blind

Truth: Men may be significantly more likely to be color blind (8% to 0.5%), but women are still susceptible.

Myth: Teacher: “You won’t always have a calculator as an adult.”

Truth: Me: “Let me check that on my iPhone.” Science.

Myth: The Salem Witch Trials resulted in as many as twenty people being burned at the stake.

Truth: 19 of the 20-people sentenced to death were actually hung, not burned. The other person was pressed to death (Look it up).

Myth: Swallowed gum stays in your stomach/intestine for 7-years.

Truth: No, your body can’t break down the resin in gum, but it doesn’t just sit there for years. Your body pushes the shit out (literally).

Myth: Brain cells can’t/don’t grow back.

Truth: This farce has been proven completely untrue as stoners everywhere rejoice (very calmly).

Myth: Blood in the body is blue until it comes into contact with oxygen.

Truth: This involves some complicated scientific mumbo-jumbo, but the simple version is, the wavelengths of blue and red light penetrate our bodies differently. Blood with oxygen in it actually absorbs more red light and reflects blue, increasing the chance that oxygenated blood in our body looks blue. TL;DR it’s an illusion.

Myth: Hebrew slaves built the pyramids

Truth: In a shocking turn of events, this is a myth propagated largely by religious texts. In reality, the people who built the pyramids were skilled workers.

Or aliens…