Advice About Sex From Celebrities Who Probably Have It More Than Us

I know that ego leads many of us to believe we’ve mastered the fine art of coitus. You’ve read the Kama Sutra. You learned from an older lover. Blah blah blah! The fact of the matter is, there are probably people out there with far more experience and thus, things to teach us. Honestly, nobody outside of the porn business probably gets more action than celebrities so maybe we could all learn a thing or two from them?

She might be an actress, but she’s not a fan of faking it in bed.

“You have to really enjoy (being sexy). Not fake anything. Sexy is being in the moment, whether that means being coy or coming on hard. Faking is always lame and it never comes across the way you want it to.”

This starlet is on the same wavelength as Mayer. She told Asylum magazine:

“OK, I know a lot of people have a hard time talking dirty — they don’t know what to say, how to start, or when to end it. Also, at first they will think they sound ridiculous. And they might. But let me just say that talking dirty is so important in sex. And it’s pretty easy. To wit: Establish from the very beginning that you like this. And trust me, you want to do it early on. Because if you wait too long to introduce the concept, your Special Lady Friend will be a little thrown and might not take you seriously.”

Not all threesomes are created equal, according to Brand.

“I would urge people, men especially, unless they’re bisexual, to avoid the two-male threesome. You’re essentially getting less there than you would have got anyway. Half the involvement in sex and at least doubled the risk of someone farting in the room. And the constant threat of what I know as ‘nut brush’.”

Horrifying.

When prompted for her best sex advice, Momsen got a little personal:

“I’m a promoter of masturbation. Don’t sleep around – learn yourself first. Guys do, but girls don’t. And that’s why girls have so many bad experiences. But you can know your body, know yourself, know what feels good … You don’t have to give yourself away to have sexual relevance. Because I don’t think sex is something people should be afraid of. It’s part of human nature, so I don’t think it should be shameful – particularly for girls and young girls.”

First, Pinkett Smith is a total babe, which makes this hot to begin with. Even better, she’s into some spontaneous kink when it comes to keeping the coals burning hot in a marriage. In an interview for Redbook she said:

“Be sneaky — your girlfriend’s house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom. Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road … Just switch it up. Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame alive.”

According to Page Six, Mayer allegedly told a girl in a bar, “that she was going to make someone very happy one day, as long as she remembered to talk dirty while having sex.” Noice!

This girl has some serious opinions. In an interview for Esquire she said, “When you’re talking dirty to us, call us a whore and not a prostitute.”

I’m gonna let you guys try this one out on your ladies. Let me know how it goes!

McCarthy has never been shy were her opinions. She’s also kind of a nut-job, but I guess this makes sense:

“I have a problem with the word foreplay. What are we doing in bed, playing golf? It should be called teaseplay. That’s what it is—we’ll, when it’s good, anyway. See, women don’t have whatever it is that makes you guys horny for no damn reason. We need to be teased into good sex. We need to think it first, feel it second, then do it third. Get it right and she’ll be more than primed for sex. In fact, she’ll be begging for it.”

These Jackasses definitely have some experience with drunk sex so maybe take this to heart…

Pontius: ”Once you’re having drunk sex, remember the same thing you would during not-drunk sex: don’t come inside the girl. Don’t ever come inside a girl. When a girl tells you she’s on the pill that’s cool — if you are married to her, and you don’t really mind if she gets pregnant anyway.

Knoxville: ”Another thing to keep in mind when having drunk sex: say, “Please stay hard, please stay hard, please stay hard.” That kind of repetitious thing really helps. Because otherwise you’re just kind of shooting pool with a rope. I mean, we’ve all been there.”

She has a, ummmm, interesting take on your sex playlist. “Any soundtrack involving earnest undersea creatures who sing or play drums as they struggle to find their way home.” One thing’s for sure, it’s definitely better down where it’s wetter…

I guess C-listers technically count as celebs. Talking to Nerve about spicing it up in the bedroom, Pratt said, “Go to your nearest sex shop, ASAP, and go on a serious shopping spree and buy every single thing you can afford, and then figure out what to do when you get home with your girlfriend.”

I mean, maybe don’t buy everything, but this could be fun.