Barnorama All Fun In The Barn
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The celebulge, if you will.
All bulges are ranked and measured on a scale of zero to five Jon Hamms. Each celebulge was evaluated on its outline, girth, and prominence to determine its rank and the number of Hamms it deserved.
21. The Taylor Lautner
Why it’s important: You won’t need your 3D glasses for this one. Taylor’s shark boy sets the precedent of what it really means to be a toned and defined bulge in Hollywood. Although this bulge is on the perky side, it lacks girth circumference that makes for a five-Hamm bulge.
Bulge Rating: ½ out of 5 Jon Hamms
20. The Darren Criss
Why it’s important: Although we have no doubt this gleeful bulge has the potential to make you feel like you’re living a teenage dream, it has room for growing in those spacious sweatpants.
Bulge Rating: ½ out of 5 Jon Hamms
19. The Zac Efron
Why it’s important: Although a little underwhelming and disappointing in outline and stature, Efron’s bulge is a nice accent to the rest of his body. Dave Franco can’t even resist taking a peek at this one.
Bulge Rating: 1 out of 5 Jon Hamms
18. The Joe Jonas
Why it’s important: The most underrated fourth member of the Jonas Brothers is also arguably the most talented member of the late band. Despite this Jonas bulge’s appealing onstage presence, Hamm is packing nearly double of this brother.
Bulge Rating: 1 out of 5 Jon Hamms
17. The Prince Harry
Why it’s important: I mean, there are bigger bulges on the list, but IT’S A ROYAL BULGE. LOOK AT THAT CHARMING PRINCE BULGE.
Bulge Rating: 1½ out of 5 Jon Hamms
16. The David Henrie
Why it’s important: For four seasons, the true magic behind Disney’s Wizards of Waverly Place was tucked away inside Justin Russo’s pants. To say the least, this is the most magical bulge of all the bulges.
HARRY POTTER, I THINK WE FOUND THE ELDER WAND!
Bulge Rating: 1½ out of 5 Jon Hamms
15. The Ricky Martin
Why it’s important: This bulge didn’t fully blossom until it split off from boy band Menudo back in the late ’80s. The charisma this bulge has developed over a long career is unbeatable… Well, maybe a little beatable. Livin’ la vida loca in the presence of this bulge!
Bulge Rating: 2 out of 5 Jon Hamms
14. The Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield)
Why it’s important: If the webs that shoot from these fingertips can save lives, imagine what the webs from this super bulge could do! Peter, park in here, please.
Bulge Rating: 2 out of 5 Jon Hamms
13. The David Beckham
Why it’s important: You don’t get your own underwear line with a mediocre bulge. This bulge has nice curves and fills out any underwear properly. You know what they say: “Bulge like Beckham!”
Bulge Rating: 2 out of 5 Jon Hamms
12. The Jake Gyllenhaal
Why it’s important: We’re just gonna go ahead and say this bulge could probably save someone’s life with a little mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Who would want to live a day after tomorrow without it?
Bulge Rating: 2½ out of 5 Jon Hamms
11. The Jamie Foxx
Why it’s important: Don’t blame the sight of this bulge on the alcohol, IT’S REAL LIFE, PEOPLE. Unchained or tucked away under clothes, this is one beautiful bulge.
Bulge Rating: 2½ out of 5 Jon Hamms
10. The Mario Lopez
Why it’s important: It’s hard to think of a bulge that has been in our lives as long this one. I mean we’ve practically watched it grow on national television. It’s easy to see why this bulge ranks in the top 10.
Relax, everyone: It’s all right ‘cause you’re saved by the bulge!
Bulge Rating: 2½ out of 5 Jon Hamms
9. The Ryan Gosling
Why it’s important: I mean, it’s attached to Ryan Gosling.
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