Barnorama All Fun In The Barn
So it turns out porn and real sex are completely different. Who knew? It’s a relief, honestly. I’ve been living under the assumption that only pizza delivery boys and plumbers get laid. Now I can finally be myself and stop asking girls at the bar if they like extra sausage or need their pipes cleaned.
Anal with no prep, attacking the clit like it has to be bullied into making me orgasm
More the absence of something:
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE MISSIONARY POSITION. It’s not “boring” and “vanilla” unless you go into it with a negative mindset. The intimacy of it can be really great- most guys love it when I ride them horizontally with our torsos pressed together, yet can’t seem to fathom why I’d find it sexy to have their body all over mine.
By all means, let’s keep doing the fun and tricky positions. But give me some
Do not try to bang me in a pool. Germs. And improper lubrication. The movies lied.
Literally just ramming their fingers in you, and also trying to rub your clit at the speed of light. It hurts. Take your damn time. I shouldn’t have to tense up during foreplay every time because I’m expecting something to hurt.
Trying to fuck my step mom
Stop bringing a camera crew.
Going from the backdoor to the front door immediately and without any washing up or using new/sterile products. Most pornstars do enemas right before anal scenes and this can help lower the amount of fecal bacteria that could get transferred, but it’s still not safe; and usually regular women don’t get enemas that often. Putting anything in her anus and then into her vagina is a recipe for a nasty infection. Don’t do it.
Trying to do it while standing if there is a considerable size difference.. it won’t line up and it’s awkward.
Squirting. Yeah some girls do it, some girls like it, but ffs don’t try to jackhammer me then get angry when I don’t piss all over your shoes.
Slapping my pussy. Just fucking stop.
Stop jumping right into sex. I need foreplay. It should be like a slip-n-slide down there.
Thinking I’m some sort of acrobat and pushing my legs so far back towards my shoulders it feels more like childbirth than sex.
It’s not like the magic of deep penetration will make it better. Stop it.
I haven’t seen my answer in any of the top answers, it’s really simply to make noise. In porn men never make noise, and it’s hot when you make noise. I don’t like silence and a single grunt at the end, that makes it seem like you’re not enjoying yourself and I want you to have fun too.
making hamburglar noises when going down
So make noise, but don’t shout ROBBLE ROBBLE into her vagina. Got it.
Don’t tell me that you’re going to ‘release your seed’ into me the second time we’ve had sex. Like dude I can’t tell if you’re being serious, I can’t take that risk, this isn’t a porno
Pounding away as hard as you can while continuously asking “you like that? Yeah you like that?”
No. I don’t fucking like that. Stahp.
Not EVERY sexual encounter needs to end with an on-her-knees facial
Maybe like 90% tops
Putting your hand on the back of my head and forcing it down further.
Unless we agreed upon that beforehand, I’m instantly stopping. It can HURT if you aren’t ready for that kind of thing (including any kind of “rough sex”).