19 Weirdest Things Kids Have Asked Mall Santas For

December 13, 2019 GIFs, Weird Leave a comment

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Not a Santa, but I have been a Mrs. Claus for the last few years and I always ask the kids what they want while we do our crafts.

My favorite was this 4-5 year old girl that told me she wanted “one of those loud horns”. She made a gesture like she was using those canned air horns and she made a little horn sound. She said she wants to use it to wake up her baby brother when he naps in the daytime so he “knows what it’s like.”

Not a santa but an elf.

I read a letter (maybe I shouldn’t have) from a child who asked for a dolphin, specifically not an autistic one. Not sure if he had had a bad experience with disabled dolphins or what but he was about 6 years old .

My 3 year old son asked Santa once for “a baby rhino” Santa told him that “The baby rhinos mama would be very sad to lose her baby though.”

Then my son said, “okay, well I’ll take the mama too, maybe she can sleep in my moms bed.”

I once asked Santa for my parents to get a divorce.

My sister asked Santa for “Black Men” for Christmas. She meant “Men in Black.”

For me to “stop upholding this charade.”

I was an assistant manager for a mall Santa with Noel Programs. There was a special needs 20-something black guy that would come by nearly every day. He easily weighed more than 250 pounds so we did eventually convince him to sit next to Santa instead of on his lap.

Every time he had to remind Santa what he wanted for Christmas. His list was Home Alone on DVD, Straight Outta Compton on DVD, and Prince’s 1999 album on CD. Santa was awesome and brought him the Prince CD a few days before Christmas.

When I was a kid I asked for a komodo dragon.

When he was feeling better my FIL looked just like a real santa. I used to mess with him around Christmas when we were out and about with a quick “Rudolf needs to get back to the pole, we need to hurry” I got a lot of really great looks from kids.

The best was a shy little girl that came up and asked for some specific doll. Without missing a beat he says “I’m not sure what the heck that is but I’ll have Legolas look into it” he always acted grumpy about but we all know he loved every second.

After waiting two hours in line my daughter asked Santa for a hot dog.

Was a Santa at a party last week. A kid asked for a whistle that she could blow at night to wake her mom up and scare her when she was sleeping.

I said “No, that would put you on the Naughty list, let your mom sleep you little gremlin.”

Mom laughed.

Many years ago a small girl would not tell her mother what she wanted for Christmas. Mom told me the problem and I was to tell her after the kid jumped off my lap. The little girl hopped up and told me she wanted some make up and some tits…. ok now I have to tell mom.

My uncle was a Santa and he told me that one year a kid asked for a coffee maker because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he’d make coffee.

That kid is probably a millionaire now.

So literally last night we took my kids to see Santa and when asked what she wants for Christmas she says, “A Surprise.” Santa was so surprised he didn’t know what to say.

There was a joke a radio host told that I heard about 10 years ago or so and there was a mall santa and this kid, and the kid wanted a tonka truck that had a hitch or crane/hook or something, and when it comes time to tell santa what he wants the kid says “I want a truck with a hooker”

Santa says: What a coincidence kid, your Dad asked for the same thing.

Not a mall Santa but once my sister asked Santa if she could have a horses head and an ice cream cone. She explained that she was gonna paint the ice cream cone the colour of the horse, stick it on, mount the horses head to the wall and tell her friends she killed a unicorn. She doesn’t remember.