17 Pretty Smooth Lines

“First time buying condoms for myself right out of high school. I went into the CVS and put the condoms and only the condoms on the counter. Clerk asks, “Bag it?” I respond, “That’s the idea.” He and I share a small laugh and i never see or talk to him again. It’s truly the little moments that count.”

-monty_kurns

“I was at church and this older 19 yo beautiful girl (16 at the time) started talking to me. She asked if I had someone I liked. I said yes and she said is she older or younger? I said I dont know how old are you. Parents on both sides didnt like the age gap, so it didnt work out, but being as introverted as I am, i was completely impressed with how smooth that was.”

-sundevilz1980

“I once walked into a haircut place without an appointment. As I’m walking in, the lady grabs her pen, looks at the appointment book and says, “and you are?” And I reply, “unexpected”.”

-CranialThunder

“Back in college, a classmate visited my dorm room. I had a crush on her so I was trying not to be awkward. I immediately failed at not being awkward when I sat down and a bunch of loose change fell out of my pocket. I immediately remarked “Sorry, someone pushed my coin return button.” She laughed so hard she nearly peed herself. We then dated for four years.”

-Daydream_Behemoth

“Whenever I trip in public, I have always said to the first person who looks at me, “Have that removed.” And they always laugh.”

-Stabfacenotback

“I know a guy… I guess they were in college and there was some event in an auditorium. Foldable chairs filled the room and this woman went to sit in front of him. I guess the chair collapsed and she fell backward into his leg. He said something like, “You don’t even know my name and you’re falling for me already?” They’ve been married at least fifteen years and have four children.”

-glywan

““Happened at a house party like a year ago, I had been talking to this girl all night (we had met at a previous party and there was some brief flirting but nothing came of it) so I knew we were both interested. At some point a guy who I kinda knew was clearly trying to cockblock me, and walked up to the beer pong table with one cup left said “alright if I hit this shot, you give me your number”.

Anyway after he missed a couple times he laughed it off and walked away. So I walked right up to the table and said “alright I’ll take your number then”, and drained the shot first try. Was pretty proud of myself for that one.”

-ziplocfreshness

“For context, I have an 11 letter long Indian last name. Cute nurse at work: “wow I like your last name! It’s crazy!” Me: “it could be yours if you play your cards right””

-Chirpy69

“When I was in high school, this kinda beefy “tough” kid got up in my face during p.e. class. After a few long seconds went by, I said “You have gorgeous eyes” and immediately diffused the situation.”

-thescotsmanofdoom

“I was at a fast food joint with a girl I had a crush on and she started b#tching about being single. I looked at her and said “Ok, let me change that for you. Wanna go out?” She said yes.””

-anothertrainreckbard

“Me buying a half gallon of milk and a 12 pack. Cashier: don’t drink all that tonight. Me: I know, that much milk would me make sick.”

-DIRTYYDOOTY

“Was playing beer pong once against these girls and got them down to last cup. Right before my shot they pulled out their tits to try to distract me. I stopped, looked one of them dead in the eye and said, “That’s nice, but I’m an @$$ man.” And sank the shot.””

-DSUlax

““We ordered Indian from this place. We got like 5 extra naan. We picked it up the lady behind the counter asked us, “what are you gonna do with all that naan?” Without skipping a beat I responded, “that’s naan of your business.””

-westdan2

“A long time ago, I was nearing the end of foreplay with my current girlfriend, and she commented on our height difference (6’3″/5’5”.) I barely had to think about it before I said, “Well I can give you a couple inches right now.””

-NickJamesB#TCH

“I worked with an older guy that was a know-it-all, done everything type. I did his job for him, one day, because he was late and I was getting complimented by the guy in charge, when this guy showed up. He says, “Why do have to make me look bad?” To which, I said, “You just make it so easy.””

-Charles_Whethers

“Brought my then-girlfriend to Food and Wine fest at Disney. I asked her if she wanted another round, and she said yes, but that she felt bad that it was so much money. I quickly responded with, “Well baby, I didn’t come here to SAVE money.” She laughed, we had a great time.””

-WhatArcherWhat