“My wife and I graduated from med school today.”
“Don’t take me for granite.”
“At work, someone modified the ’reverse’ button. Honestly, I think it’s more useful now.”
“When the angle is actually very important:”
“Why are you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?”
“My daughter won our town’s ’Name the Street Sweeper’ contest.”
“I told my sister that if she graduated with honors, I would wear a matching dress to her graduation. She said that was the best motivation.”
“The Dairy Queen near me has this on their sign.”
“Panda Express telling the rough truth.”
“My 9 year old told me water was running all over her bathroom floor…”
“My dog ate my wallet, so I got a new wallet with a picture of my dog eating my wallet.”
“I found my doppelgänger on a T-shirt…and sent him one in return!”
“My nephew’s Stone Cold security system. Can’t complain yet!”
“That level of self-awareness is impressive.”
“Apparently, I moved to a place where dreams go to die.”
“Got my new license plate in the mail today.”